Is it the devil or just being tired?

This was a big weekend for me. I had my half marathon that I had trained maybe 5 weeks for… I missed a couple of long runs through the holidays and wasn’t 100% focused on my shorter workouts. This was not an “A” race for me… I did not sign up for it to PR but just to use it as motivation to train through the holidays. It didn’t really work for me. I signed up in October and I figured I had 12 weeks to train starting the week after the wedding. I didn’t really even think about training until I panicked at the beginning of December and begged Coach Katie to help.

She did help. She provided the plan that, as I mentioned above, I mostly followed. I was not really excited about this half but I spent the money and had a free place to stay so I decided to go for it. Then, about that last week or so of training I started feeling strong and thought maybe I could do well. Coach Katie started talking me up about getting a “racing” mentality. Typically I “run” in events and “participate” in events. I do not race. Apparently there is a huge difference that is starting to be called out to me more and more.

If I were a racer I would “push past the pain” and “leave it all out there”. I would be able to stop the negative thoughts from infiltrating my mind. I would not let my brain convince my legs they were tired. I would “knock that devil off my shoulder”

I have come a LONG way in the past few years. I have stopped regularly crying during workouts and feeling defeated when I had to walk. I have conquered my fears of riding my bike on the road, in a group and alone… I have shown up to the pool at 5:00AM in my swimsuit to swim with people who routinely RACE Ironman triathlons.

I am strong and brave. I can do hard things.

I showed up at the starting line this weekend ready to race. The first three miles we around a 9:30 pace, which I never do. I felt good and I was ready to “leave it out there”. I was focused. At the 10K mark I was at 1:05 (three minutes faster than my 10K PR). At the 10 mile mark 1:49 (four minutes faster than my latest 10 mile PR).

Then I got tired. I had a little struggle because I was wondering if I really WAS tired, or just my mind saying I was tired. I channeled all the voices and tried to pick up the pace. I wanted to finish strong but my legs were just so heavy. I gave it all I had the last mile, but it wasn’t enough to recover the lost pace from miles 11-12.

My time is what it is… I am not going to judge it, although I started to when I saw my data. I could have started training earlier and been more focused when I was training. This race served it’s purpose. I got my mileage up during the holidays and now I am ready to get faster. This event gave me the excitement and momentum to race. It should be a good race season.

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