During the marathon training I did a lot of work on my mental attitude. I got worksheets and books with self-reflection questions. I did them and they worked. I finished the marathon and put them aside. I achieved my goal so I was good, right?

Well, it seems that just like anything it takes constant work! Just like dieting…. you can count calories and lose the weight, but once you lost the weight you still have to work at maintaining! If you don’t work at the maintenance then it all comes back – and sometimes more weight comes back than you lost (I have been there many times). The same thing with mental training (so it seems). The negative thoughts come back!

The good thing is that I know what I need to do to bounce back. Luckily, I have a wonderful Coach that gives me subtle reminders. The other when we did the trainer session at her house she was telling us about an article she wrote for a local endurance sports magazine. She turned around and looked at me, “YOU need to read it”. This has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks but I never went and got the magazine. I knew.

Finally this week, because I finally realized I was slowly slipping backwards, I went to the cycle shop and got it. Yep, just what I thought… the title of the article is “Train Your Brain”. Thanks Katie. She has a box in the middle of the article illustrating some common bad self-talk that she calls “monster talk”. I think she got them from my workout recaps that I write up in Training Peaks. The comforting thing is that she wrote a whole article about this… I am sure others deal with this problem, too.

So, here I go again… dusting off the brain training books and focusing on my goals and my strengths.

The workout prescribed today was called “Trainer using gearing – RZ#7″. One day I have to ask what the “RZ” means as it shows up in all the trainer workouts. All trainer workouts are hard, but this was just ridiculous. I am quiet sure I am being punished for something. (Truth be told, I was given a similar workout last week but I didn’t do it right. It was a long workout with lots of instructions and HONESTLY I missed the second half. The hard half. I could have lied and told her I did it (of course she would have known) but I didn’t. I confessed that I “cheated myself of a string of 100 RPM’s”.

Clearly she didn’t want me to cheat myself. She is only trying to make me stronger, right? Not punishing me? The WHOLE workout tonight was a string of 100 RPM’s. I cannot tell you how hard this is – my poor legs constantly moving as fast as they could while the gears kept getting harder. By intervals 10, 11 and 12 I really thought my legs were going to cramp. I am not sure that my quads were supposed to hurt as much as they did – I am sure I am not pedaling efficiently yet.

I did have to stop once to crank up the music. I was in about three intervals and I just had the TV on. I figured for a one hour workout that I needed entertainment. I did, but not that kind. I needed high energy music to help keep my legs moving. It worked. Pink, Lady Gaga and LMFAO helped me keep my cadence high.

In case you are curious… this is what the workout looked like on paper:
Your Workouts for Monday, January 23
Workout #1: Trainer using gearing – RZ#7
Type: Bike
Planned duration: 1:00
Planned distance: 15.0 miles
(The gear 42 is the little chain ring in the front or 52 is the big chain ring and the 17,18,19, 20 refer to the cogs in the back)
8 min 42(little chain ring in the front) & 20 in the back (this is in the middle of the rear cassette) – easy spin WU
3min @ 42×18 100 RPM
3 min @ 42×17 100 RPM
2 min @ 42×16 100 RPM
3 min @ 42×17 100 RPM
3 min @ 42×18 100 RPM
3 min @ 42×19 Spin
2 min @ 42×18 Spin
3min @ 42×17 100 RPM
3 min @ 42×16 100 RPM
2 min @ 42×15 100 RPM
3 min @ 42×16 100 RPM
3 min @ 42×17 100 RPM
5 min @ 42×20 Spin
8 min @ 42×16 45 sec off/ 15 sec on
6 min @ 42×20 Cool Down
TOTAL 60 min

And this little gem tucked in over halfway through – 2 min @ 42×15 100 RPM – TORTURE.

Off to stretch and go to bed. Track work in the morning!

Saturday was a great day, too. I got to spend the morning with Coach Katie and two other cycling friends. The original plan was to ride 20 miles, but the bitter cold and wind kept us inside. We did a great session in Katie’s garage on the trainer. I got a new trainer last week and it is 100 times better than what I had. Although I am truly grateful for the one that was given to me, I knew that if I was going to be serious I needed something better. I got one that is easy to set up and quiet. The trainer workouts are generally not that exciting and, despite that I drip sweat, I learned yesterday that I really haven’t been pushing myself as hard as I should have been. Not that I was intentionally slacking, but I guess I didn’t know how to do the workouts with cadence, gears, etc.

I stole this picture from my friend Cynthia (who refused to be pictured!) Katie is upfront, I am in the back in the pinkish shirt and Susette is next to me.

So, back to the other great part of Sundays… planning for the week ahead. All my workout clothes get washed and piled up, ready to be sweat in. My meals planned and prepped… I always start the week full of optimism about the workouts ahead. Which, I need – this week is a tough one, but good. I am excited about the hard workouts that showed up on my schedule this week!

The ride started off with a nice flat, nearly downhill stretch. Perfect for warming up. I was mid pack and maintaining a really nice pace. I was able to pay attention to my riding, but still participate in conversation… something I didn’t really do last week. I kept my upper body relaxed and maintained a pretty good cadence. I think I am supposed to be about 90 RPM, but that is tough. I was usually in the 80′s striving for the 90′s.

The first stop came about 7 miles in where I had a near perfect stop. I was able to unclip not too far out effortlessly lift my butt off the seat, stop and step down. Nice. I still have to think about every move…

A few sips of water, some bantering and we are off. A nice gradual uphill that is not too difficult. I am still able to keep my cadence pretty high and shifting pretty smoothly. We get to the top and there is a huge (to me) curvy downhill section.I hate downhill. I have a general fear of speed. I stay focused, but my poor hands and forearms get tired from holding the brakes. People even comment on the sound of my brakes… lovely. I try to relax and just go with it but it is hard. Even harder still when I realize that at the bottom of this hill there is a sharp left hand turn. The others handle it effortlessly. Me, not so much. I slow down so much that I am now WAY at the back of the pack. The sweepers are with me chatting away. They don’t seem to care that we are behind…. until one says “wow, look how far away the group is…” (jokingly). Really, they were very supportive!

Now, as luck would have it we are at the base of another big hill. I lost all momentum of the previous downhill that I remotely had and now had to go back up. It is a bad feeling you get when, half way up, you realize you are out of gears. It is not going to get any easier. I have Katie in my mind… what do you do when you are out of gears… snake… I am too embarrassed at this point to swerve up the road to make it easier so I just put my head down and peadal harder.

I made it up.

We get to go down again.

Until we have to stop at a stop sign that is at the end of the road on a slight uphill. With traffic.

Remember earlier when I had the perfect stop? All things happened as they should? Not this time. I barely got unclipped before coming to a complete stop and almost started rolling backwards and in the nick of time got my other foot unclipped before crashing into the ground. And yes, there were witnesses… “nice save!” my sweepers yell.

I try to regain composure and catch up with the group, who is now far ahead again. More downhill… then one last uphill. The longest uphill yet. I have to resort to a little snake to make it up. I made it just fine.

A little nice rolling/flat area and I am back with the group. They tell me one more little hill and we are back to the cars. Good. I decided I was going to make the most of this last hill and power up it. I shifted a couple of times and still had gears left. One more shift will make it perfect…. then my chain locked up. I panic. I am stuck – I cannot pedal and I am quickly slowing down. I can’t get my foot unclipped. For some reasons I say “oh no” “help”… I was wobbling and thought I was going down. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse… my cry for help caused two people in front of me to look back… and proceed to knock tires… and sent one woman crashing to the ground. It was all very horrible. She was fine- just got the wind knocked out of her and will most likely be bruised and sore tomorrow. We were close the the parking lot at this point some a couple of men went ahead and got the car to pick her up. I felt terrible.

Did I mention these were wonderful people? The sweepers rode back with me and told me that when this happens I should yell “chain off” (ok, not OH NO and HELP). coast… stay calm… try to shift and pedal so the chain goes in, or until you can safely stop. Lesson noted.

I was assured whole heartedly and truly sincerely that these things happen. I just wish I didn’t cause it to happen.

So, there you go… cycling takes a lot of skill – a lot more than running does!

After the marathon in October I took time to recover then planned on getting back into training in December. I got sick… the holidays came… blah, blah. It WAS off season, after all…. It’s not as if I didn’t do anything, I did get runs in and rode the trainer a few times. I did my strength training and core work. Yoga. I went through the motions for the most part, but I just didn’t really have my heart in it. I was tired of thinking about training! The bike was a nice change, but even that was something I HAD to do. I didn’t really want to do anything! I wanted to be a lazy slug who could lay on the couch!

Thankfully that didn’t last long!

I guess I just needed to not obsess for a while. By the time the Christmas decorations were packed up I was ready to get back at it. Last week I had my first real group bike ride. There were 14 people in the group and we rode 25 miles. It was amazing! It helped renew my focus on my goals.

The next day was New Year’s Day and I was supposed to run 10 miles. I ended up walking most of it with some spurts of running. I finally gave up at 7 miles. The ride the day before really did my legs in. The rest of the weeks workouts had issues as well… Tuesday’s track workout was cold and windy, Wednesday’s trainer workout was frustrating… finally Thursday I completed my hill workout. My pace is still so slow it is hard to believe that in 12 weeks I will be faster!

Just when I was doubting myself I get a call from Coach Katie. Guess what… it makes sense that my legs are tired and fatigued… I took time off and now I am working hard again. I have to adapt. Apparently it is common to be tired on a run after a long bike ride. It is ok. It will all pay off. Did I mention that I love having a coach?

March 25th – Half Marathon PR -Goal is to beat my current PR of 2:16
April 14th – Assault on the Carolinas – 60K bike ride
September – Ache Around the Lake 8K in <50 minutes
End of year – sub 2 hour half (race not yet decided)

Somewhere in between April and the end of the year I have a top secret goal that I will share when I decide for sure if I am up for it!

The past couple of months I have enjoyed following my training plan, which has included a nice variety of things… cycling, weights, yoga, core… running. My runs have been social and enjoyable – I have loved getting out for fun. I have even left my watch at home a couple of times.

Now it is time to gear up for the new year and create a new set of goals. But, before I do I have to reflect on a great year. The good thing about a blog (even one that is not kept up with very well) is that I get to look back and see all the fun things I have done all year… and all the struggles I have overcome. I looked back to my goals for 2011 and see that most I succeeded at and one I did not.

Run a marathon – done

Continue to be social with the running club – done

Lose weight – ah, no… a constant struggle. BUT, my subset of goals to achieve that were met. I do not eat processed food and eat a pretty clean diet. Regardless though, calories are calories and I eat too many calories to lose weight. I don’t weigh myself anymore because it makes me feel bad about myself, but I have been in the same size pants all year, so that is good. There are times during the year where I have felt thinner than others and I need more of those days. However, although there are times I certainly could have cut back I feel that during the 5 months of marathon training I needed every calorie I took in. I had to fuel my runs and I needed to finish strong. Marathon training is no time to diet. That was first and foremost on my mind last year and I do not feel bad about losing weight. I feel strong and healthy!

One of the best things I did for myself in 2011 was get a running coach, Coach Katie Malone. I am so thankful that I can afford such a luxury and even more thankful that she accepted me. I was nervous to reach out to her because she is a pro and coaches triathletes… I figured she wouldn’t have time for me and my slow pace:) She did and she has helped me so much. I like being accountable to her and diligently log my workouts. I can’t wait to see where she takes me in 2012!

Finally, my reflection wouldn’t be complete without remembering also how lucky I am to have such wonderful family and friends. Through all this training my family has been so wonderful. Marathon training is a full time job – one that needs to be scheduled around. I had to disrupt weekends for 20 mile runs… avoided celebrations and parties the night before long runs… AND, not to mention, the constant talking about the runs!!! I am sure it all gets old, but my wonderful family continued to listen and support.

Poor John, everyday listening to me talk about it (sometimes whining about it). Providing his unique pep talks daily – sometimes I appreciated them and sometimes I didn’t. Mom, Dad, Katheryn and Brad… what can I say – always believing in me and cheering for me! I loved having them at the marathon. The BEST moment was seeing them at mile 16. I will never forget that! They were ALWAYS there for me and believed in me. I have the best family in the world!

AND, last but not least all of my wonderful running friends. Never have I been surrounded by so many wonderful and supportive people. They were there with me early in the mornings around the track, with me on my long runs, running friends at work helping me when I was out of town and encouraging me via e-mail…. I was shocked and amazed at the support I had on marathon day when I daughter brought to my attention that so many people were tracking me and encouraging me from Facebook. I could not believe how many people were spending their day thinking about me and wishing for my success. What an awesome feeling!

I am so lucky. What a great year! On to 2012!

Sunday was my first long ride without Katie. I like having her around telling me when to shift and when to relax. It is funny to think that one day those things will be second nature. Right now it all takes a lot of thought. I tend to forgot about certain gears…like the “easy” button gears that you have to click to make pedaling easier to go uphill. I found myself remembering too late into the hill and would lose my momentum.

Another thing that was on my mind Sunday was that I had no idea what to do if things went wrong. What if I got a flat tire or my chain fell off? Luckily Cynthia was with me – she didn’t really know what to do either, but she has a lot of friends and family nearby that could pick us up if needed! Thankfully we finished our ride without incident.

That lead us to our first bike maintenance class on Tuesday! A local bike shop holds free classes once a month and we took advantage of the chance to be self-sufficient.

Me learning:

We were focused – taking notes and everything. The guy was patient and let us practice taking off our tires and putting them back on. He shared lots of other helpful hints to keep us moving.

Now we are ready for our next ride! 20 miles!

While I did focus on all those things the peacefulness of the rain and the solitude allowed me to think about how far I have come. I am doing things now that I never dreamed of doing. I thought about when I started to train for my first Cooper River Bridge run in 2009 – a 10K! I was nervous about going 6 miles. I wasn’t sure I could do it. Now hundreds of miles later I do not have any of those doubts. I can do whatever I want to do and that is very liberating.

That new mind-set is what got me on the bike. I have secretly wanted to be a cyclist for years but I was too afraid. It is scary, especially on the roads. Oh, you think I am talking about the dangers of being on the roads? Yes, that is scary, but I am scared about other things. People seeing me out there. My not so cyclist body…. my butt in biking shorts for all the world to see (granted I try to cover them up, but still). What if people laugh at me? What will they think? I will look ridiculous on the bike – who do I think I am to be out riding in public?

Who am I run a marathon?

I can finally say WHO CARES!!!!!!

My running has been gradually getting better over the last month. I am surprised to say that it took my a month to recover from the marathon, and the half soon after. Mentally I was ready to start my new challenge, but everything I went to work out my heart just wasn’t in it. Things hurt and I just could never do the workouts with as much intensity as I needed to.

All that changed this week. Since my around the lake followed by my first ride my workouts have been great. I feel good again and want to give it my all.

For my second bike ride today I met up with my cycling partner, Cynthia. She has been doing it a bit longer then I have so I was happy to ride with her. She has a route picked and I plan was to follow her wherever she went. It was a nice course through country roads. Very few cars passed us, which was nice. The ones that did managed to get over far enough that I never felt uneasy.

The roads had nice, rolling hills and were enough of a challenge that they were not boring and not hard enough to be exhausting. I have to say, after all the running and riding the past couple of days my legs were fatigued!

My focus for this ride was to try to relax and get comfortable on the bike. Not sure if I succeeded. I had to keep reminding myself to relax my upper body. My forearms and shoulders felt tense the entire time. There is no zoning out in cycling. You cannot listen to music or get lost in your thoughts… you have to pay attention. After 16 miles today I was ready to stop. Sure my legs were fatigued, but if that was all there was I could have kept going. Mentally I was tired of constantly having to think about clipping, unclipping, shifting, braking, looking for cars, watching for potholes and gravel… there is always something!

All that said, I am looking forward to my next ride. My plan this week calls for a lot of drills on the trainer, running and strength training. Then, next week a big 20-miler!