Lessons Learned

You know, I think I am actually learning something about myself as I get older and do more – I take things way too seriously. I don’t mean that I need to start slacking off or doing things half way, but I seem to base my whole self esteem on single events. I never realized before how much I do this. I am a results person rather than a journey person.  If I do not get the results I expect then I become very upset rather than thinking about it as a journey. It keeps happening over and over and you would think that one of these days I could stop the madness!

Weightloss: Obviously I did it for years with weightloss. Every time I tried to diet and didn’t loose the magical number I planned on losing or going shopping and not fitting in the clothes I planned on fitting in I would get depressed and feel like I failed. I am getting better at this, but still have those thoughts.

Running: Obviously again… I stake my whole life around these stupids marathons and when they don’t turn out like I expect then I think I have failed.  Even more absurdly… even training runs are like that. If I didn’t feel like I had the perfect workout I would spend the day beating myself up about it. Heck, if my Garmin didn’t work right I would call it a day. I wanted to have proof of my success.

Gardening: John asked me last night if I planned on doing the garden again this year. I had fun doing it last year and enjoyed the process but the bottom line was that I really didn’t get a lot to show for my efforts and I was really discouraged at the end of the summer. My immediate response to him was no… I told him I worked too hard last year for nothing.  His response was that it wasn’t for nothing… I learned a lot.

I learned a lot. I wanted tomatoes… not lessons.  I wanted a marathon medal…not lessons. I want a thin body… not lessons.

I want results – not stupid lessons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here I am with a lot of lessons learned I guess. I suppose I need to sit down and figure out what I have learned from this past year so I can try again.  Well, actually there is no “trying again”, it is all part of the process isn’t it? It is what it is and I just need to keep plugging along.

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2 Comments

  1. Linda

    Great thoughts – it isn’t failures just lessons learned and maybe you need to find other ways of accomplishing what you want. Go with the flow – that is what I try to do these days.

    I think you need to do a garden – It wasn’t you but the nutrients in your dirt need more nutrients. It was the first year for that plot. It will get better every year. You did try some unusual plants remember.

    I would like you to go the healthy way – no extremes. Running shorter races will build your endurance so that one day you just may do a marathon, if that is what your heart desires.

  2. lauraph2009

    I am going to try to be a “go with the flow” kind of girl.. we shall see how that works!:)

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