After a few lovely days with my daughter and family I am ready to get busy again. I had a great time hanging out and even got some workouts in but wasn’t really focused on anything but relaxing. I have one more day off before going back to work, but I am going to use it to get ready for my next challenge. I am going to get the rest of this weight off! I have 30 pounds to lose and it will take focus and hard work to get it done. There is no fooling around anymore. No more random challenges to distract me from my ultimate goal. Lose weight.
I started this journey in September 2008 with a goal to lose 100 pounds and to embark on some challenges. I wanted to push myself hard and be the person I always wanted to be. I have in my mind I am a tough, athletic person but in reality I am kind of a wimp. Before September 2008 I never finished anything I started – I wanted to change that.
I started out strong and the first 40 pounds was off in no time. I followed Jillian Michaels to the letter. Once I gained some confidence I started running and completed several 5K’s, 10K’s and even 3 half marathons. I completed P90X. I was in heaven. I CAN do this! Pretty soon 85 pounds were gone! So close to my 100 pound goal. The plan was to loose 100 and fine tune to my goal weight after that.
Then I got ahead of myself…. I decided I COULD do anything. I have never had that type of confidence before. I decided to sign up for a real marathon – 26.2 miles. There was NO DOUBT in my mind that I could do it. I did my training. I put in the miles. I did everything right. Race day came… and went. The Myrtle Beach Marathon was canceled due to snow!!!! I was devastated.
I tried to pull it together. My friend that I trained with found another marathon to run in another 6 weeks. We tried to regain the momentum again and get pumped up. I felt my confidence wavering. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have it in me to do another 6 weeks of training. I was exhausted. This time I didn’t put the miles in and trained half-halfheartedly. I tried to recover at the end with an epic 20 mile training run by myself. I needed to show myself I could do it. If I could get 20 strong miles in I could complete the marathon.
20 miles in 3 hours and 50 minutes – a huge record for me. I felt great.
Race day came. At mile 11 I started feeling terrible. by mile 13 I felt even worse. At mile 14 I was holding back tears and I prayed for the next water stop. I was not sweating, I had cold chills and was dizzy. I couldn’t finish. I was done. 15 miles into 26.2 I stopped.
That was March 28th.
I have been “stopped” ever since. I have tried getting back on track but I have just shut down. It was devastating to me not to have completed the marathon that I trained so hard for. What happened to the girl that was confident and strong? Was it all an act? Had I just fooled myself into thinking that I was fit and strong? All that doubt came back into my head. Is it going to take another year to gain all that confidence back?
I have to start again. I have to go back to the original challenge and focus on the original challenge… I had to lose weight. I gained some weight back over the last few months and I still had some to go anyways. I need to lose 30 pounds and I need to finish THAT challenge.
Back to basics…. working out hard and counting calories. There is nothing else that works. One day at a time….
Tomorrow I am going to get organized (and get a massage!). I need to stock up on the staples; eggs, spinach, yogurt, protein bars, etc. I need a new notebook for my calorie counting. I need to print out my p90X sheets…. yes, it’s true, another round. I mean it this time. I am committing to another 90 days and I will be hardcore. No sugar, no alcohol, nothing bad. All of this starts Saturday 6/5/10. I like starting P90X on Saturday because that leaves my rest day for Friday. I LOVE my rest day being on Friday.
I am going to workout the next few days doing some cardio everyday and some ab work. I am steering clear of P90X until 6/5 – I will have all the Tony I can handle soon enough.
I have made another decision as well; after a month of a vegetarian diet I have decided that it is not for me. I enjoy eating meat and never felt like my diet was complete. I know that technically people can get plenty of protein from vegetable sources, and there are plenty of vegetables to keep it interesting, but the fact of the matter is that I like meat. I like BBQ chicken, I like hamburgers, I like pork. I missed eggs, too. Try as hard as I could I did not find anything remotely satisfying in the vegetarian world. That being said, I am still going to be responsible about it. I have been buying good, organic meat for John and I will continue to do that. I will still buy organic as much as possible. I do not think I will ever go completely back to eating normal grocery store animal products.
So, it begins. I will have to work out really hard. Double workouts most days of the week; cardio at lunch and P90X at night. I only lost 16 pounds during my last round of P90X. I want to AT LEAST lose 24. That is 2 pounds a week – I should be able to do that.
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